The Tennis Curmudgeon


Bobby Speaks

Before I begin, much thanks to the kind folks at the Tennis Curmudgeon for allowing a special rebuttal to Bobby’s “Headwrapped Bandanna Boys”. In full disclosure, I am Bobby’s grandson that he called out in his column. Now, it’s my turn to address Grandpa Bobby.

YOU’RE A CRANKY SENILE OLD MAN, GRANDPA!

Dear readers, do not be fooled by my Grandpa’s curmudgeon-like ways; do NOT think it’s just what old codgers do. Gramps is an unrelenting child, himself! He used to mess with me when I took naps as a younger kid. For example, I would wake up to feel something rubbing against my lips and when I opened my eyes, I’d see Grandpa quickly zipping up his trousers. I’d yell at him and he’d burst out laughing and bring out a hotdog that he said he was rubbing against my lips while I was napping. Very funny, grandpa.

As far as Grandpa not getting Metallica or Storm Troopers of Death, he’s the funny one to complain. Grandpa is an old Korean war vet and I’m quite sure he was listening to Elvis and all those guys—the devil’s music—back in the day. Maybe you didn’t go for the wild 70’s music and all but mom told me you toe tapped to Three Dog Knight songs in the car.

Really, getting back to tennis, Grandpa, I think you’re jealous because us young guys have it going on in terms of style. We don’t have to conform to haircuts from 1950, ’51, and ’52. You’re forgetting the biggest long-haired headwrapper of them all: Andre Agassi. He’s certainly no “foreigner” like Bjorn Borg. I liked that Andre brought in a little of that rock and roll ethos into the game, even if he was wearing hair extensions….a little subversion against you cocktail quaffing country club types. I wanted to go to the public courts but mom and dad made me go to the club where I’d have to run into you. Besides, now that I know that it irks you when players don’t have the proper tennis wear, I think I’ll start wearing tie-dyed head bands, Gramps!  And get me some hair extensions too!

Bobby

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3 Comments so far
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I regret the day your momma named you after me! Some honor. Now I have to live the rest of my life knowing you carry on my name—all while sashaying over the court, wearing your head wraps and your hair extensions.

And I better not catch you making fun of the folks at the club! Your mom and that jerk father of yours pay good money for you to learn in a good, clean, environment how to play the game.

Comment by Bobby

All I can say, Bobby, is this isn’t called The Tennis Brat! As you’ve pointed out, you’re grandfather is a curmudgeon therefore he will always have a home at The Tennis Curmudgeon!

You, on the other hand, the jury is still out!

Comment by boundandgags

Oh, I see how it is now. boundsandgags and the folks at TC give me the opportunity to rebut my crank of a grandpa only to tag team me. Oh, I see how it is now. The jury is rigged!

Et tu, boundsandgags? Et tu?

Gramps, you’re just jealous because us young guys have got more hot young chicks playing the game now: Sharapova, Hantuchova, Sania Mirza, Vera Svonareva, Simona Halep. Who did you have besides Chris Evert, Yvonne Goolagong and Virginia Wade?

And the only good thing about the country club are the girls who are forced to play tennis there. We get together after lessons and make fun of ALL of you!

Comment by Bobby the II




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