The Tennis Curmudgeon


Lyric O’ The Month

Chalk Dust – The Umpire Strikes Back
The Brat

Oh I say, well played sir
Fifteen love
Oh my goodness me, what a shot
Thirty love
Who could possibly return that backhand?
Thirty fifteen
These two boys really mean business today
Forty fifteen
Out
Out
What!
Out
WHAT!
The ball was out

You gotta be kidding

The ball’s in, everyone could see that the ball’s in
Chalk dust, everyone could see that there was chalk dust

That ball was in by about a mile
You people here are goddamn senile

Don’t be noisy, there’s a good chap
You’ll wake the line person, she’s having a nap.

Screwball
Call yourself an umpire
You’re a screwball

Play on
You’re being rather naughty
Kindly play on

I won’t play on till you change your call
You didn’t even see the fucking ball
I come over here to play a fucking game
But you blind geriatrics are the fucking thing

The ball’s in, everyone could see that the ball’s in
Chalk dust, everyone could see that there was chalk dust

Awfully sorry but the ball was out
I’d be jolly grateful if you didn’t shout
If you don’t like it here well you shouldn’t come
Frankly sir
You’re a pain in the bum

Moron, I want another umpire you’re a moron

Chalk dust, I wanna see my lawyer there was chalk dust

You pick on me cause of who I am
I’m not playing on and I don’t give a damn

The ball wasn’t out it’s a goddamn lie
I won’t play on and I think I’m gonna cry…

Chalk dust
I wanna see my daddy there was chalk dust

Boring
I’m going to have to shoot you now
You’re boring

I am sorry about this
You tedious little brat
I am sick of you

The umpire strikes back

Rat-a-tat-tat-tat

Oh, you’re the pits, you’re scum man, you are not fit to be called a human being

Rat-a-tat-tat-tat

I was talking to myself.
uhhhh.

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