The Tennis Curmudgeon


Bag Peek

Bud Collins:
Tennis racket; typewriter; fax machine; Mr. Microphone; ugly pants; ugly pants; ugly pants; ugly pants; ugly shirt; Rado Lifetime Achievement Award

Anna Kournikova:
Full length mirror; NHL Media Guide

Venus Williams:
Fabric; design sketch book; clothing patterns; portfolio for upcoming show; sewing machine; sweat shop worker (2)

Bill Tilden:
Tennis racket, cigarettes (4 cartons); kit bag containing: deodorant, soap, towel, face cloth, exfoliate, loofah (all unused); books: The Idiots Play-writing Manifesto, The Dummies Guide To Funding Plays, The Morons Guide To Producing Self-Written Plays, Simple Steps To Acting In Plays You Write & Produce; an unfinished play – Be The Ball: A Boy’s Tail, an unpublished manuscript – Holding Balls: Being A Good Ball Boy; wallet containing: sixty-nine dollars, plane ticket, prison release form, parole card, USLTA membership card (revoked); NAMBLA membership card: member #3

Marcelo Rios:
Tennis racket, headbands (107), MP3 player (top ten songs):  I, Me, Mine: George Harrison, I Drink Alone: George Thorogood, Alone Again (Naturally): Gilbert O’Sullivan, One Man Guy: Rufus Wainwright, Solitary Man: Neil Diamond, Me And The Minibar: Dresden Dolls, Creep: Radiohead, One: Three Dog Night, All By Myself: Eric Carmen, I’m An Asshole – Denis Leary; one credit card (a Solitary Diners Club Card); books: Traveling Single, Party Of One: Restaurants That Cater To The Solo Diner, Just Where I Left It: A Guide To Living Alone, “Yeah, I Said It”: How To Rationalize Your Supercilious Lifestyle; fan letter bag (empty)

 

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